📖 Sunday Story: The Power of Restorative First Approach
Every Sunday, we'll be bringing you a story that is intended to educate, inform, or at least entertain! This week, our Sunday Story is about the power of the Restorative First Approach. In my career, I've resolved countless conflicts, but this case is a great example of the effectiveness of our restorative-first approach.
A post-secondary instructor reached out, having caught a student cheating. They wanted a resolution that would teach the student to not cheat again - beyond just getting a zero - and I knew my Core Questions approach might help.
I met the student and asked the first question - "What happened?" - to hear his side. His honesty was commendable — he admitted his mistake and accepted responsibility immediately.
The next question allowed me to delve deeper, asking "Who has been impacted by this?" Immediately he answered "Well I've been impacted - I got a zero and now need to be here!". Cheeky, but correct! We shared a chuckle and I asked if there was anyone else.
He reflected for a moment, and then said that his choice probably caused a loss of trust with his teacher. I asked again, and again after a moment he identified the possible reluctance of classmates to work with a cheater.
I was satisfied there, but decided to ask again - and he went further, showing empathy for future graduates of his program; if he graduated by cheating, he'd likely be missing key skills, and that might harm the reputation of other graduates of the program. I asked one more time, and his reflection turned to recognizing the disappointment he'd bring to his dad. This young man cared about how his sense of self and core values showed up in him everyday, and he knew his choices were contrary to those values. He became emotional thinking of this harm especially.
As I began to say something to try to be comforting, he pulled out his phone and called his dad, confessing everything. I got to somewhat awkwardly sit across the desk and hear the "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" speech from a father who seemed to love his son deeply, but knew that choices had consequences.
After his call, I asked the final core question - how to make things right. He committed to apologizing to his instructor and classmates, and volunteered to share his story with them so that they would avoid the same mistake he made. This was in addition to the academic penalty he willingly accepted - consequences of his choices, just like Dad said!
This story highlights the power of this approach, where taking responsibility and repairing harm can create lasting change not just on the responsible party, but others as well.
And that student didn't cheat again. Mission accomplished!
Stay tuned for more Sunday Stories next week and if you want to learn to use the core questions yourself, check out our training!
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