📖 This Sunday Story is all about the power of seeking first to understand, and how it can help you create a more inclusive, accessible, and psychologically safe environment.
I got called about a person who was allegedly looking up bomb-making on the organization’s computers. I invited him in for a chat, and after my usual intro, I asked him: “What happened?”
“I was looking up how to make bombs.” He said, calmly.
Oh.
I was taken aback from his honestly, and concerned! “Can you tell me why you were looking at bomb making instructions?” I asked.
“Yeah! My uncle and I used to make sparkler bombs together – you take a bunch of sparklers and duct tape them together and they blow up really loud. I couldn't remember exactly how to make them, but it was always really, really fun.” He explained. I was instantly relieved – playing with fireworks isn’t always harmless, but it’s better than it could be!
“But now my uncle is in jail because he got into some political extremism stuff, so he’s not here to make them anymore.”
Oh?
Now I’m worried again. Even a sparkler bomb can be harmful if used with hateful intention, and hate and extremism tend to go together.
“How do you feel about that?” I asked him.
“I miss my uncle, but I don’t like extremism of any kind and I wish people could just get along. It’s good he is in jail and I hope he learns his lesson” he said to me, earnestly. I was relaxed again! Until he said “Sometimes I find it really frustrating and I can barely handle it.”
“What do you mean? What do you do when you feel frustrated?” I asked him.
“I grab my gun and go crazy”.
OH! Talk about a rollercoaster. My heart was basically doing interval training at this point.
“Can you tell me a bit more about that?”
“Yeah. I have a paintball gun and I put cardboard on my back fence and when I’m angry I just shoot it. I love the colours and shapes.”
Relaxed again. This was a super nice guy, with some communication & boundary challenges. As we talked, we figured out how to better manage these challenges, and he figured out how he could repair the harm he caused to the folks who saw what he was looking at.
The facts of the case were clear – this person broke a rule. But without the context, the formal response to a broken rule could have resulted in an unfair decision for this person. By seeking to understand, the resolution created more psychologically safe and inclusive environment for everyone, including him.
This isn’t just a moral and ethical imperative. It’s good business sense, no matter what business you are in. Increasingly, people are voting for the kind of world they want to see with their dollars. Our approach helps you create a conflict environment that respects people's context, is inclusive of everyone, and builds trust - that sounds like a great place to work and do business, doesn't it?
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